DOGGY HUMOR page III

1. The dog is not allowed in the house!
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the OLD furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. All right, the dog is allowed on the bed, but ONLY by invitation.
7 The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The dog can only sleep under the covers by invitation ONLY.
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the DOG.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY A DOG IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN:

10. A dogs parents will never visit you.
9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
7. A dog never expects you to telephone.
6. A dog will never get mad if you forget its birthday.
5. A dog does not care about previous dogs in your life.
4. A dog never gets mad at you if you pet another dog.
3. A dog never expects flowers on valentines day
2. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
….. And the number one reason why a dog is better than a woman is:
1. A dog does not shop.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN:

10. Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
9. Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
8. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
7. Dogs think you're a culinary genius.
6. You can house train a dog.
5. Dogs feel guilt when they have done something wrong.
4. Middle- aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner
3. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
2. Dogs don't care whether you shave your legs or not.
…. And the number one reason why a dog is better than a man is:
1. Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.

TOP 10 DOG PEEVES ABOUT HUMANS

1. Blaming your farts on me ... not funny ... not funny at all!

2. Yelling at me for barking ... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG!

3. Taking me for a walk ... then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly
whose walk is this anyways?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose ... stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew
your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The slight of hand, (fake fetch throw) ... You fooled a dog! Whoooo,
Hooooo - what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for the "big snip", then acting surprised when I
freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I
haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello? Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the
truth, you are just jealous.

HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME:

Both take up too much space in the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both mark their territory.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
Neither does any dishes.
Both fart shamelessly.
Neither of them notice when you get a hair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither understand what you see in cats.

Return to Dog humor

or

Return to Opinion

Web design by...The Web Witch